Opression
by DrGinger35
Summary: What if someone volunteered to get away from their life? AU, kinda,you'll love it, trust me. Awkward circumstances for someone whose life is totally awkward.Mature for language and sexual content. I'm not good at summarizing. Disclamer: I don't own HG.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: this was partially not written by, all the weirdness parts that seem extremely weird are done by another person. Thank you, love you all, please review, dr g

I screamed. My screams filled the silence of the night and was heard by every being in District 12. I felt someone watching me there at three a.m. I had had the most horrible nightmare. I thought I'd heard someone and saw someone and yet I didn't. I can't live this way. Not after what he tried to do to me last night.

I slept till seven and awoke to find my father sitting on the edge of the bed. I shot up and tried to edge away. He opens his mouth.

"I'm sorry." I know he's not. I got out of the bed and hurried to the bathroom where I'd laid out my clothes for the Reaping. I put them on and quickly ran out. He tried to follow, but I zoomed to the black market before he can get me. I disappeared into the crowd and sat next to the old woman, Greasy Sae. I see the little brown haired girl who hunts in the forest named Everdeen or something come in nervously to trade. Her father was blown to bits a few years ago. I feel sorry for her, and wish I could help, but I don't even have enough food for myself. I look up at Greasy Sae. She nods and I know it's time to go. I hug her and tears fill her eyes. I love her as if she was my own mother, but I have to go. I pull myself together and set off.

I get in line and have my blood taken and I am put with the other girls. The lady, Effie Trinket sits next to a drunken man whom I suddenly have a butterfly in my stomach about. I wonder why as I watch as Effie Trinket walks up and begins to announce the 73rd Hunger Games. She reaches into the girl's bowl and pulls out a 'Cathy Cellia'. I wait. They pick out a scrawny boy as the other tribute, and everyone claps. Then Effie asks if there are any volunteers.

I take a deep breath and shout

"I volunteer!" everyone gasps.

I fling my red hair back and walk out and say

"I volunteer for your Hunger Games." Effie smiles in delight as the crowd began to cheer. I run up on stage. I smile and view the crowd. The drunken man behind me is in shock. I smile wider. My father is clearly unhappy. I direct my gaze at him. He gives me the finger and I smile as happy as I can as the crowd continues to cheer. I'd done it, I had escaped.

"What is your name, dear?"

"Lily Rebiva." she smiles and announces my name out loud. I was escorted to the Justice Building where I was visited by Greasy Sae. She was crying.

"Don't leave Lily, don't go my little Li Ree. I don't want you to leave us." she cried into my shoulder.

"Don't cry. I'm in a better place now. I don't have to fear. I can win. I love you, so keep cheering for me, ok?"

"Alright, Lee. Be careful my friend."

One thing that I'm glad that didn't happen was that the district didn't salute a goodbye for me. That would have meant trouble for me, most likely with the Capitol. They don't like rebellion, or gestures of sadness.

I have several names: Lily, Ree, Lee, Li Ree, Little Ree and Little Monkey. People usually call me Lily 'cause that's my real name.

I am then visited by my father.

"You bitch."

"I'm not the dumbass."

"Don't speak to me like-"

"Why not, you dick?"

"I said cut it-."

"Hell I will, the way you treated me."

"You fucking little ingrate-"

"You're the one who is the incest. I hate you! I volunteered so I could get away from you!"

"I hope you don't last five minutes."

"Thanks."

He approached me and I screamed. A guard came in and took my father out.

I was taken to the train station. I was sat next to the boy tribute whose name I learned was Jack Combe. He said he was happy that I volunteered but he didn't ask why I did. Effie Trinket came in and I smiled and stood up. To this she smiled and said,

"At least there's one tribute whose happy to be here!" I hugged her, and sat back down. She and I chatted. I talked of how I really wanted to see the Capitol and its people. She talked of extravagant parties and events. I was about to continue my conversation with Effie when the drunken man walked in yelling,

"What a daaaaaamn liiar shee izzz. Don't belieeeeveeee a wwwoord. Heerrr faaathhhheer's an ii-"

I got up and tackled him, covering his mouth before he could say anything in his slurring. He was weak from being drunk, but I still had to struggle to fight him. Effie tried to pry me off of him, but I wouldn't loosen myself. She complained that her hair was messed up. I struggled and struggled. I finally let go.

"Fiine. I wonnn' tellll 'emm. Buuut yooou'd bett-ter waatch yourrrssselfff." he went back to his own car and Effie looked at me. I smiled guiltily and she said.

"We need to have a talk." she took me to her car and sat me down in a chair.

She took the one across from it and said,

"What is Haymitch moaning about?"

"Effie, I don't really want to talk about it."

"You don't have a choice." she said firmly, fixing her hair.

"Promise you won't tell anyone?"

"Yes."

"If you tell, it will ruin everything I have planned. I plan to tell Caesar to get sponsors. Or maybe during the games or after." I sighed.

"Ok. Here we go. My father is an incest." she gasped.

"He's tried to get me several times, but last night he touched me and this morning... He said he was sorry but I don't believe him for a second! He's a dirty bastard and I don't want to see him ever again!" I slowly felt tears fall down my cheeks as I told her of my life. She listened, tender and caring. She put an arm around me to comfort me and I sobbed silently without getting tears onto her skirt. Silently I got up and said that I wanted to go and change. It was getting towards dark. I changed into a set of soft fleece pjs. I knew I had to talk to Haymitch. I walked into his room to find him sprawled out on his bed. I suddenly wanted to leave, but I knew I had to talk to him. I sat on the bed and nudged him.

He shot up and I made the bad mistake of almost sitting too close. A knife flipped out and I jumped back.

"What the hell?"

"Hey, hey, hey, calm down. It's Lily. I need to talk to you."

"Why the... Oh, about before." he sat up. In the light of the moon I could see he was only wearing boxers. I didn't shy away. My father had often walked in his boxers...I sat back on the bed. He set the knife down on the nightstand. He eyed me.

"You want to be nearer to me." he gave me butterflies in my stomach. I didn't know what to say. He smiled and laid down.

"Whether you stay or talk or go, I don't care." he closed his eyes. I wanted comfort. He knew of my father. Somehow, he could help. I needed someone. But I didn't want it to become as personal as it could be. He was silently huddled on his bed. He had the knife still on his nightstand. I subconsciously laid down on the comfortable sheets.

"Don't worry." he murmured. I watched him turn over. "Your father scares you. I know you see him in me. I won't touch you or hurt you unless you need me. I promise."

I pulled his arms to hug me.

I cried, feeling the flashbacks of my father smiling as he watched me through a door crack, or sneaked glances at me in a mirror in the bathroom or shower. I suddenly saw them. Haymitch was looking for food. He was in the black market. My father stormed in.

"Where is she? Where is that-" I jumped up. I screamed. I ran and disturbed all the tables, him running after me. Then Haymitch was standing up in the middle of it all. I slammed into him. He looked in surprise and I kept running. That's how Haymitch knew. I looked into his chest now, and then up at his eyes. And Haymitch was suddenly transformed into my father. I looked in his eyes and saw the gray-black soulless ones of my father. I opened my mouth to exclaim or scream, but Haymitch covered my mouth. He tried to bring me back, saying,

"Shh, shh, it's me, Haymitch, you're here on a train. You're a tribute. Shh." he calmed me. I felt sick. He then let go of me and grabbed a bottle of Capitol alcohol and gave it to me.

"Take the cares away. I won't let him get you. I am here to protect you and get you through these games. Go on." I drank from it and emptied half of a bottle. He kissed my head and I hugged him again. I lay there, holding onto sanity for dear life. Flashbacks were a mist now. I couldn't tell from moment to moment what was real, and what was past. Around midnight Haymitch pushed me away and told me that I needed to go to my own car. He kissed me on the head.

"I have faith in you, sweetheart. You seem to be the only tribute 12 will ever be able to count on."

"Thanks, Haymitch. Don't tell Effie I came in here, okay?"

"Why the Hell would I tell that woman anything? Goodnight." he closed his door. I slept soundly that night. For once.

The next night, however I had a nightmare that my father had snuck in my train room and touched me. He almost got close to rape. I woke screaming. I simmered down and ran to Haymitch's room. I climbed into his bed and slowly roused him. He didn't knife me. I hugged my arms around him and he comforted me as I sobbed. I told him about my dream and he let me stay curled up next to him for comfort. I feel him edge closer and closer to my side. I am not afraid, yet I am terrified. I feel so scarred of my own thoughts. I latch two fingers to Haymitch's arm and pull it around me. He puts his other arm under me.

"Haymitch?"

"Hmm?"

"Comfort me." he looked down at me. I closed my eyes. I nodded.

He settled his head next to my neck.

"Are you gonna win the games?" He kissed my forehead.

"Yes." I breathed. I needed this comfort. I didn't push him any further, just this. So the nightmares would go away. Just for now.

I let him kiss me again. It tendered my aching muscles and helped me become calm. I slept.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi! New chapter, hope you like it. PLEASE review! I love reading them, bad or good.**

I saw it then. The Capitol. I looked out of a window and saw there were shining buildings, and I held my breath. We were then zooming through a tunnel. Lights flashed as we hurled through the tunnel. I then saw millions of people waving and shouting and smiling through the window. I smiled at them and waved. They wore ridiculous things, all different styles with colors so strange and wonderful. I smiled so largely. After a bit I realized the smiles I gave weren't fake. I watched as we were pulling into the station. We were escorted to a large white marble building. I was met by three people with pigmented skin and bright, child-like puppy eyes. They smile and I smile in return. They are cute, happy, and nicely innocent. They introduced themselves as Flavius, Octavia and Venia.

Flavius had purple lipstick on his lips and crazy curly orange locks. He said he had a lot of work to do on my own light red tangled mess.

Octavia had light green; I'd say pea green skin and outrageous eyes. She had a little weight, but not as much as some Capitol people.

Venia is the eldest of the team and had the wackiest aqua hair all spiked up above her head and golden spirals of tattoos above her eyebrow.

They said that the first thing to happen was to strip me of dirt. They filled up a large bathtub with warm water and added oils and then I was told to take my clothes off.

I heard my father's voice then.

"Take your clothes off, girl. Do as I say. Damn you good for nothing little-" I stopped it and suddenly wanted to call for Haymitch, or anybody. But I didn't. I let it pass and took my clothes off. The water that rushed over me felt so soothing to my aching dirty body. Octavia used her long nailed hands to scrub over my arms and legs with washes. The nails I noticed were real, and had tiny rhinestones implanted into them. She talked to me about the styles that were in the Capitol and I marveled at the extravagance of it all. I felt my pores emptying of the dirt and the temperature of my body cooled. I felt that air could flow through my body now that 16 years of grime were washed away. My back had all the kinks massaged out after the bath. My hair was washed by Flavius who rubbed my scalp so that it felt as free as my body. They brought me to a table and laid me down. They striped the hair from my body, my legs, my underarms, my arms, everywhere. I felt cold and clammy after this mass removal. Octavia waxed my eyebrows and Venia cleaned my nails. They then brought me to another room and told me to stand on a platform. My stylist would be in shortly. I wore no clothes. I became nauseas as I had the realization that if my stylist was a male-He came in.

He smiled kindly.

"I'm Cinna. I'll be your head stylist."

"Hi." I wanted to cover up. This man was an unknown.

_Well so was Haymitch_.

I reminded myself. I ignored my own observation and smiled kindly.

"Here, come and sit with me." I unknowingly shook my head.

"Oh, here's a robe, sorry." I pulled it on and sat on a couch, making sure I was on the opposite end of the couch from him.

"Lily. That's your name, right?"

"Yes."

"Well, I have several good things planned for you."

"For what?"

"Oh, the Opening Ceremony, the Interview, the Tribute Ball, etc."

"Oh."

"But now, we need to have you ready for the Opening, and first day of training is tomorrow."

"Ok." he walked me to a large room. Many outfits were lain all over a set of tables. Accessories were strewn over each outfit.

"They're beautiful." I said in awe.

"Yes." He picked up an outfit that was plain black with seams running down the sides. Cinna told me that when the time came I only had to pull my arms out and I would transform into something beautiful. He said he had another idea like this, but he was still testing it, he didn't know if it worked or not. He also said that this would be the big part of my PR…whatever PR is. Anyway, my whole Games could rely on any one of his creations and my display of them.

He had the assistants put it on me and he checked to make sure it fit right. It did and we were set to make the first impression to survive.

I sat in my chariot next to Jack, waiting patiently. Then the trumpets sounded and District 1 sprang forward, shining like the sun. We waited. Many districts were applauded and cheered for. Then 11. Then us. The Capitol was quite loud when they cheered. I felt as if time froze. I spread my arms. Giant streams of light, like stars and sunshine rays and moon beams and lightning bolts rose from our chariot. The Capitol gasped. Lights came up as if we were dynamite, bursting to collapse the precious coals that stood solid and proud. We were beautiful. Jack was in awe of the light that was coming off of him and I smiled. We got to the end of the runway and our light blew down. The Capitol cheered for us so loudly, I thought I would go deaf. The President welcomed us and then we went home. Training began the next day. I found I was particularly good at climbing, throwing knives, making fires, and well, throwing things in general. I had a pretty good arm at archery, and could disguise myself with the paints about as good as most people. I would keep practicing as long as I could. I could do it, I could win the games!

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**More to come, takes a while to update, sorry. Will update ASAP! **


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey! Easy going chapter, perhaps…**

**Review! By the way, the "Tribute Ball" is my new AU addition to the Hunger Games. Next chapter… it's all good.**

Cinna dressed me in the most charming blue dress and lightly dabbled on my makeup.

He walked Jack and myself to the stage, and we waited in line behind 11. I saw the crowd out in the audience cheering. I hoped my impression as a shining star impressed the people of the Capitol. I was told by Cinna to be myself. Haymitch told me to be careful, and that Caesar might take a liking to me. He didn't elaborate and I was still confused in the line. I saw the tall 11 girl walk out and say hello to the people of Panem. I had butterflies welling around my stomach. I took a deep breath. It was then my turn. A stage hand took my arm ad lead me to the entrance.

I heard Caesar's voice.  
>"And now, ladies and gentleman, you all know her: that 'shining star', Lillllly Rebiva!" I confidently walked on stage smiling, and the crowd grew wild. I curtsied and they went nuts. The blue dress also had sparkling starlets on my shoulder and around my eyes.<p>

"Well, the star of the show, I see!" everyone laughed, including myself. I sat in the hug comfy chair and Caesar smiled. I gave him a smile and he tuned to the crowd. His light blue hair matched my dress, a point he noticed.

"I see we match my dear!"

"Yes I think we do, Caesar! What a nice shade of blue you have picked for yourself there."

"Why thank you." I played along with him. He seemed to take a liking to me as Haymitch had warned. "So tell me, Lily, why did you volunteer? We haven't ever had a District 12 volunteer, ever!" I smiled.

"I wanted to give the games a try! They're better than home..." then it struck me in the heart. The big one. The on I'd made myself forget, forced myself to forget.

"Lily? Lily?" I couldn't hear him.

I saw my father."Shh, shh! Keep quiet Lily! Damn it, keep quiet!"

"Please! Please Daddy! Stop!"

"Honey, shhh, keep still now, shhh! Shut up! I promise it won't hurt! Damn." I saw the smile. That smile which told me to hide. The smile which told me he was dangerous, drunk with want and lust. Then he would touch my thirteen year old body. My virgin-new breasts, my lower section. He would touch me. I couldn't help but let him, he was stronger. He had me do such horrible things. I saw his smile, and it morphed into Caesar's smile. I shook myself.

"I don't know Caesar. To be perfectly honest, would it hurt to tell the truth?" Caesar looked confused. I leaned in.

"Can I let you in on a secret?"

"What?"

"I am a star." before he could say anything, I got up, lifted my arms and watched as the harmless fireworks shot up into the crowd. I spun and more flew. A dazzling display of lights danced from my being. I turned to Caesar, gave him a wink, a smile and then he said

"There you have it, Panem! The true star of the Hunger Games!e Star of the Capitol"

"And may the odds be ever in your favor!" I smiled and left the stage. Caesar was in caught me in his arms. I sobbed into his chest.

"What's wrong? You did wonderfully! Hear the crowd cheering?"

"Cinna? Hold me." he did. I said.

"Your dress did great."

"You did great!"

"No, I flashbacked."

"Oh." the rest of the team an Haymitch came to see us. I immediately stopped crying. I hugged them all and they babbled about my performance.

That night I ran down the hall in my bare feet. I opened Haymitch's door silently and entered. I crawled beside him.

"Why were you crying?"

"I had a flash back." he turned over and held me. His warmth and scent crashed through my barriers. My tiny body was so miniscule compared to his. I suddenly felt depressed. I pushed myself closer to him. I murmured that I wanted to stay.

"Not tonight."

"Let me stay here."

"I-"

"I need someone Haymitch. For tonight. Just for tonight. We won't have to do anything but I have to stay. Please, I can't face the dark alone. Please. Please Haymitch, just one night, please!"

"No. You need to man up! Your past and your father are all in the past. As your mentor and a guy who's four time older than you, no. Goodbye." He pushed me off the bed. It was almost comical. I yelled at him and he had just fallen asleep. Or he pretended to. I sighed and went to my own room. There would be no more Haymitch and Lily psychology sessions. I cried myself to sleep. Feeling alone.

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	4. Chapter 4

**Under 12 yrs: Don't read.**

**But if you want to, just don't hate me. *smile***

**It is rated M.**

**Enjoy, if you dare…Lily isn't gonna like this chapter at all…**

The Ball was coming up. Cinna was trying to see which of the dresses would be best. He looked at an orangey yellow one with a beautiful silver hair piece, and I said I liked it. He put it on and stuck the hair piece in and stepped back.

"I like it." I said, looking in the mirror.

"It's perfect." He put on the white heels that wrapped around my ankle. I practiced walking in them and tripped twice. Cinna would catch me at the waist. I didn't mind it. Or did I? Well, walking in heels was hard anyway.

The noise from the Ballroom came so loud, Haymitch, Cinna, Effie, Jack, the prep teams and myself could hear the music five blocks away.

We entered the bright blasting building. Cinna whispered in my ear.

"I've got another surprise in store. All you have to do is tap your shoes together, ok?"

"What is the surprise?"

He smiled. "You'll see. Now, if anyone tells you to go home with them you have to go. It's an unsaid law. It's a stupid law… But be brave, ok? If you have a flash back-"

"I know, I know. I think it's always been implied about...that law."

"You'll be fine." he promised.

"How will I get home?"

"Whoever takes you will just have a shuttle or a guard takes you back to the home building. Good luck, Lily. Remember that the final day of training is tomorrow. We love you."

"Thanks, Cinna." I walked in and the crowd turned their heads.

I smiled. I'd give them a good show. Many little preteen cute Capitol girls rushed around me and I treated them like the beloved little sisters I never had. I talked to them and smiled and laughed with them. We were sitting at a table eating delicious chicken and vegetables when dancing music started. Now, there's a tradition that President Snow has established: he will choose one of the tributes to have the 'honor' of dancing with him first. He stood up in front of the whole of the Ball.

_This is crazy._

"Welcome," the whole crowd became silent. "Welcome to the 73rd Hunger Games Tribute Ball!" everyone cheered loudly and clapped.

_Why did I volunteer?_

I smiled. The President looked at me. I knew what was coming.

"First order of business, I believe it's time we must start the dancing off. And I think it would be my pleasure if the first person I dance with is... Miss Lily Rebiva."

I smiled as large as I could, and tapped my shoes together. My dress slowly glowed from the center. First a spark, then a glimmer, then I was a star. A celestial being, my whole body glowed and shimmered: I had a single stream of light for a body it seemed. I smiled as the light changed from fiery colors to cool blues and greens. I came over to the President as the whole Capitol cheered. My illuminated form joined him and through the forced smiles I hated him. The music grew louder as Snow took my hand in his and swung around the floor. My glow started to shade off and return to my dress. Three more couples came and then six and soon the whole floor swept with dresses and jewels. Colors blurred across the floor. Snow's disgusting rosey smell filled my nostrils. He was leaning in.

"You're going to be taken by someone tonight. I'm sure you know that." I surveyed the floor. Many people were staring at me.

"I am happy your little surprise was a success, they'll never forget you now. You look to be the most promising tribute 12 will ever have. Which means if you win the games, you won't leave my sight. I have to keep you victors under control: and you are on the attractive side of things. I will blackmail you. I have the power to. I know you know this."

_I hate you._

I gave a slight jerk of my head: a nod only he could understand.

"I hope you enjoy yourself. But I have heard you have had certain... Flashbacks..." his voice was almost at a whisper. A tender whisper that I feared more than the bloody lips the words came from.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I smiled through these painful words.

"Oh, but unfortunately, I know about half more about you than you know about yourself. Watch your back, little Star, or you may end up burnt out. Cinna will run out of ideas for you…soon you'll start shoving words down people's throats…you cause anything, and we'll kill them all. All your friends. So here's my warning: stay under my radar."

Half of it I had no clue what he meant by, but I stuck to the warning…_you cause anything, and we'll kill them all…_

He smiled as the dance ended he unlatched himself and clapped politely. I went back to the Capitol girls at our table who were giggling at the 'honor' I was given.

Alcohol was given to everyone, but I did not drink much, in fact after about five minutes I seemed like the only sane one here.

Then the inevitable happened, Caesar got me. "May I have this dance?" "Why sure." I smiled. I got up. He took me to the floor and put his hand around my waist. As the middle of the dance came, he slipped his hand to below my waist. Then to my hip. He kept smiling. I kept smiling. He took this as an invitation. He leaned in and whispered,

"I would very much like to take you to see my house, my dear."

"I would like that, Caesar." I smiled. He smiled. I saw my father in him again and something told me not let him anywhere closer to me. But I had to. I knew that because it was the thing expected; the unsaid law.

_But it's not right… how could anyone let this happen?_

My dance with Caesar soon ended. I went back to my table feeling depressed.

That was until I danced with a man called Seneca Crane. I had no idea why he was here, or who he was. But this man I actually felt comfortable with. He was not so... vulgar. I was grateful for that. I knew he felt comfortable with me, not in lust for me, but... happy for me.

Or pitying of me or perhaps even in love with me.

_I'm so messed up I can't even discern my feelings…_

Anyway, I thought he was happy. I liked him; he had the strangest, most wonderful beard that curved around and dipped to his hairline. It made me want to laugh…not at him, but at him all at the same time.

_What would you call that? I wish I knew…_

I smiled and leaned my head into his chest. He didn't react negatively; in fact, he pulled himself closer to me. The song ended, and we turned to clap. I felt the bangs of my strawberry blonde hair fall in front of my eye. He took a hand slowly away from his clapping and moved the hair out of my eyes. Time seemed to freeze on just us. I closed my eyes and my chest seemed to swell up… He dared to let his hand remain there. We both breathed in and out heavily as the clapping began to end. Then I was pulled away by my 'sisters' but I couldn't stop staring at him.

But all things must end… as I then remembered that my virginity would leave tonight, with Caesar. I had to swallow my sorrow and smiled, knowing that I would be fine. Then I found out Seneca Crane was the head gamemaker: the one who would toy around with my sad situation in the arena...he basically could kill me on Snow's command… but did he feel anything for me?

_Ahhhh! I'm so lost._

I felt tears coming on as I realized the pain it would cause us both. I danced with Cinna, who asked me if I was asked by anyone. It's an awkward question, but I nodded. Then glanced pointedly at Caesar. Cinna nodded solemnly and told me that he'd suspected as such. He'd brought a nightgown for me.

I pursed my lips. I didn't want to do bad job and be unsatisfactory to Caesar, he could variably sponsor or donate for me in the games.

_But is Public Relations this important to me?_

I danced with Haymitch during the final number.

"I've heard you're being... taken."

"Yes."

"I know you're a virgin. You don't act otherwise."

"Shut up, Haymitch! I don't want this, and you're not making me feel any better!" I whispered. He shook his head. I glared at him and then didn't look at him for the rest of the dance. I hated him for not seeming to care.

_Or am I wrong? I seem to always be wrong…these thoughts are confusing me evenmore._

Slowly the evening came to an end. Drunken people left in crowd and Haymitch went off to find a drink. Several tribute girls and boys were escorted out. This fact was strictly hidden from the public as to not arouse any attention to a 'crime' as such. It annoyed me that this was a thing that occurred at all…

All escorted tributes were unseen by public eyes, everyone left except a few head people…

Caesar took me from my group, Cinna slipping me the nightgown and saying a quick goodbye. Caesar opened the door to his large dark house.

"You know why I took you, my love?"

"Yes." I said, slipping my dress off my shoulders.

"Why?"

"To love me." I slipped my undergarments off.

"True." I pulled the skimpy nightgown over my head.

"Why on earth did you put that thing on?" I took it off. Then arms, strong and tender took me.

_Let go._

Caesar Flickerman picked me up, kissing my neck and pulled me to a bed. He pulled out some expensive Capitol alcohol and made me drink. He himself drank as he climbed onto me.

"Undress me." A tear crept out.

_No… this is wrong…_

He breathed through kisses. I did not want to listen. I had to. I had no right to make him pull off of me. I pulled his tie off.

Then his coat and shirt. Torture was the word that came to my mind… I didn't want to go any further as his hands searched my body. His head was burying itself like a mouse in dirt into my neck and upper chest. I took almost to tears as he climbed further down. My father's hands touched me. I clenched my teeth and I shut it out. I did not want such things to pop into my head. I felt him come up to my mouth. "Lily."

"Hmmm?"

"Are you a virgin?"

_Please…don't make me answer…_

"Yes." He took his hands off of me and put them to his pants to take them off. Soon he was exposed under the covers, and myself under him. He had pushed himself into me and I gasped. He was drunk, laughing. I found myself give off a burst of giggling here and there, but the pain of it...

And all this he enjoyed. I almost made him pull out, my body was running with the chemicals he was putting into it.

"It's hurting?" I shook my head.

_Yes…_

_Please… Get out!_

He smiled. I tried, but gritting my teeth, it was hard. My body felt a sudden rise and liquid, no it was blood that fell out onto the sheets. I couldn't survive this much longer. But I did. I let him love me. Have his joy. But I knew that I could not be loved for the first time with whomever I wanted. I paid the price.

The price for volunteering.

**Just to make this 2000 words I'm adding nineish more.**

**Don't hate this chapter. More to come that is better… the games are coming up…**

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	5. Chapter 5

**Hi! Short chapter today, sorry. Had to hurry. But it's good. R and R!**

**Thanks!**

I was returned the next morning. My body felt as of the insides were uprooted and mixed in a blender. When I had woken up, Caesar'd begun to kiss me again, and did so for several minutes. He didn't want me to leave. I did, of course.

I returned to my room, started to cry, and plopped down on the bed, smashing my head in the pillow. Regret came. The anger I felt towards Caesar, the Capitol, everyone. I know they'd given me birth preventers, but why would this even be an issue? What happened to being too young?

It was depressing. That's all. Just depressing, and it was too creepy for me. How could anyone force me into that? I shook myself. Thoughts of the ball aroused in my mind. Who on earth could I run to? Not Haymitch…he'd told me to go off a long time ago. Cinna I could trust, but he seemed distant… nice, but too talented and busy with my PR to actually talk.

A name, a face came to my mind. The one person at the ball who didn't see me as just a tribute…

Seneca Crane… but he seemed distant as well… yet his name clung to me.

Training that day was almost impossible. The pain in my body was close to unbearable. Seneca Crane, who was watching us, spotted me and I stared back. Butterflies swarmed in my stomach. I knew behind my gaze my face was smiling, even if I couldn't physically express it. We locked in this gaze and he knew I'd been robbed by someone I did not want to be robbed by. He frowned. I turned back. I found I was somehow loving him, but I was 16. This is impossible! Why couldn't I do what I wanted, love whom I chose? And then why couldn't I just love boys my age? Ugh! I flung a knife into the middle of a dummy. I grew sad. I wanted to leave; I wanted to be out of it all, but no. I had to push on, had to be brave, had to live through this and the games and then I would be with Seneca. I hoped that, if anything, I hoped that.

The Observation day was the next day. I sat on a bench. I waited for 23 other tributes and then I stood, and walked into the room.

"Lily Rebiva, District 12." I announced. The only gamemaker who turned was Seneca. I walked to a knife station. I picked up a knife and aimed carefully. Then I put the knife down. I went to the painting station. I grabbed some bright blue paint, and went back to the dummy. I painted the dummy's hair blue. Then I set the paint down.

One of the gamemakers said,

"Hey, that looks like Caesar Flickerman, why-?" I went back and grabbed some brown paint. I painted my father's hair color onto another dummy and wrote 'Tom Rebiva' on its chest and set that paint down. I smiled and stepped back to get a knife. I flung the knife I was holding into Caesar's heart, and then another into my father's, in almost the same exact spot. I flung about 10 knifes all in the vicinity of my victims' heart. I left.

I glanced at Seneca who was slipping out a tear for me. But if I died, in the games, I'd never see him again. And that made us both terribly sad.

**Hi, sorry for the short chapter.**

**Please Review! Games will start in Chapter 7.**

**Please keep reading!**

**Bye the way, thank you to Savysnape7! You did make my day!**

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***winky smile***


	6. Chapter 6

We all stared at the video screen. The national broadcast was coming on to reveal the tribute's scores. The only big ones I noted were 2, 5, and 11. The tall girl from 11, named Tia got a 10 which was surprising. Then my score popped up.

A perfect 12. Everyone gasped. I couldn't take my eyes off those two digits that sealed my fate of ever surviving in these games.

I looked at Haymitch who said with a smirk,

"Bye bye." I smiled and sarcastically said,

"Thanks."

That night I slept in my own bed in the cold. I rubbed a hand over my eyes. I sighed and got up. I sat on the balcony, listening to the sounds of the city as the night became darker. I looked into the sky, but there were no stars. I wondered if there would be stars in the arena.

I would only guess on things until tomorrow.

I went back inside and got a glass of water. The whole twelfth floor was silent and dark. I tiptoed to the kitchen. There was no one there. I went to the sofa and sat down. There was so much anxiety in my stomach I thought I was going to puke. I had to lower my breathing so no one could hear me pant. The butterflies seemed to be dancing around in my stomach just to tease me. I bit my lip. What if I didn't even make it past the cornucopia? I've got an extremely high score, the highest there is. I don't want to die within the first few seconds, and not even have a chance. How could I live and still have supplies, and how could I-

I shook my head.

_Too many thoughts!_

I went back into my room and curled up in my covers. I still felt nervous as I slowly drifted off to sleep, wondering how soon my life would end. Little did I know, tomorrow was only the beginning.


	7. Chapter 7

I hugged Cinna goodbye and stepped into my platform. Wait! I had to tell him to tell Seneca-

"Cinna? Tell Seneca I-"but the door shut. He mouthed

"What?"

"That love him!" I yelled even though he couldn't' hear me.

"What?" he yelled. I didn't try to answer.

I licked my lips and watched as the platform rose into the arena.

I gasped as I saw the surroundings I was placed in.

I giant metal maze. We were put in the center of it, with two people per maze entrance. Jack and I were in front of a symbol carved into the stone floor that resembled a tree. Twelve sections, each different, with the cornucopia in the very middle that was filled with survival items: food, weapons, shelter, supplies. The deep voice of President Snow came on in the silence. I looked across at the District 2 girl. She narrowed her eyes.

"The 73rd Hunger games will begin in

10,

9,

8,

7,

6,

5,

4,

3,

2,

1,

BEGIN!"

I sprinted off, running to the cornucopia as fast as I could and grabbed a backpack. A packet of knives made its way into my grasp. Knife zoomed past me and hit the ground. I grabbed a bow and about ten arrows and then sprinted away. I went down a path that had the symbol for mountains. I found myself running over rocks and boulders. The sky was a cool gray, showing possible rain. I hurried to a cave in the mountains. I hid inside it and opened the pack. I found water, maybe a day's worth, and then a half a loaf of bread, a blanket, a flint, and five arm's length of rope. I sighed. I covered myself under the blanket, which was thankfully brown. I stayed there. I reorganized my supplies. I heard about 8 cannons go off. I looked up to the sky from my cave. The girl from 4, boy from 8, girl and boy from 9, the girl from 10, the pair from 3, and the boy from 6 all died. I breathed in slowly and exhaled. I looked around my cave. There were several rocks with cameras in them. I smiled.

_At least Seneca can watch out for me._

But being biased probably wouldn't help.

I slept soundly that night. I woke up to the sound of a cannon blast. The boy from 7 was killed.

I decided it was time to get a move on. I pulled out of here and went back to the center of the maze. I saw that the careers had left the cornucopia wide open. I ran to the next section over: a river. I found the boy from 10. I saw him look up. The deer in the headlights look.

I didn't want to, but I threw a knife into his chest. The discordant thump sickened me.

I washed the knife off as the cannon sounded. I cried. I didn't want to kill him.

I had to. I swallowed.

I waved goodbye to him and ran into the stony river bed. I drank some of my water. I ate a piece of bread and then sat next to a boulder for a moment. I came out of that section and quickly switched to the next.

_A rainforest, good, I can stay here. _

It took me a while, but I found a suitable tree to stay in. I climbed it and sat in the nook of two branches. The air was humid. I saw the boy from 4 dash by. I let him go. I didn't want to kill anyone else. It would ruin my disposition even further. Then the smallest girl I'd seen, from six ran by. I stood on my perch. She was chasing the boy from 4. As she started rounding my tree I jumped. I landed lightly beside her tiny body. She gasped. I took her by surprise. I grabbed her and covered her mouth so she couldn't scream.

"Shh. I don't want to kill you. You would've been killed by that boy." I whispered.

"If I let go, don't run."

She nodded. I let go and she turned to face me.

"Thanks, Lily."

"You remembered my name."

"You got a 12!"

"I tried." I smiled.

"I didn't. Are you so sure that was smart? And being the 'shining star'?"

"I didn't see you make as good of an impression." I teased.

"I've gotten this far."

"Day 2?"

"My partner didn't survive the bloodbath."

"I know. Sorry." I said.

She looked up my tree.

"Can I stay with you for the night? I didn't get anything from the cornucopia."

"Sure." I helped her climb the tree. She had light blonde hair. It reminded me of that girl Everdeen's little sister. Petunia or Posy, no, no, Primrose! Primrose, she was such a sweet little girl. I thought of her now. I thought of my father, and the associations of 12. I regretted thinking. I sat in the tree with the girl from 6. I asked.

"What's your name?"

"Winnow Hayes." I smiled. It was a beautiful name.

"What a pretty name."

She smiled. Her teeth weren't strait, but they were white, beautiful.

"Thanks."

I let her sleep. I stayed up, playing with my hair. I thought of Seneca. I sighed. I looked at Winnow. Could I let this thirteen year old die at the hands of the careers or have her live? I'm useless. Hell, I am sick and useless. I should let someone like her live.

I could never let her die on my hands.

Never.


End file.
